Wednesday, May 9, 2012

50 Shades of TMI

For the record, no, I have not read 50 Shades of Grey. But I have read enough about it that I feel like I can be judgmental about it.

The other week I had this texting conversation with my sister:
Sis: Have you read 50 shades of grey yet its ridiculous
Me: No why would I read that?
It’s twilight fanfiction porn
Whats wrong with you
Sis: Idk bc its super dark and risqué. I’m on the second book and its waayyyyyyyyy more disturbing then [SIC.] twilight. Practically everyone I know is reading it
And yes def pornish
Me: It’s bdsm.
Sis: Yeah its even darker then [SIC. FML, how are we related?!] that at points.
Me: Do you know what BDSM is??

Then last weekend, I have this gchatting convo with a coworker:
Coworker: I bought the book shades of grey last night
I thought it was about like wolves and living in the woods, but it's like this romance novel hahah  
but everyone has been raving about it so i hope it's good
‪me: Hahahha omg
It's bad twilight fanfiction bdsm porn
My sister read it and i ripped on her so bad for it
‪Coworker: It's bad?!
‪me: 50 shades of grey right?
‪Coworker: yeahhh
‪me: I haven't read it but all the reviews say the same thing
writing is terrible
plot is cheese
anyhoo happy reading. 
Coworker: hahahahah
I thought it was some into the wild type shit haha
I should have read the cover
What was that one that was a movie with i think Colin Firth
Into the Gray?
‪me: Liam Neeson
I think that was just called The Grey
Coworker: yeahhh
‪me: Then there was that Into the Wild movie with Emile Hirsch
and then theres 50 Shades of Grey, the twilight inspired fanfiction
Coworker: ugh.
Well i did read the hunger games and it was really good, so maybe this will be good too.
‪me: Sure.
Did you like twilight?
‪Coworker: I refused to read them.
‪me: Oh okay
this should go well then  
Coworker: hahaha
‪me: It's pretty impressive though
This woman wrote some bad fanfiction
self published  
got picked up
and is now going to make a disgusting amount of money.
‪Coworker: hahaha, that is impressive
I have the book in my car
I was going to read it during work because i thought maybe it would get good
me: Yeahhhh. Don’t do that.

I don't want to come off like a hater, because it’s not that I have a problem with reading badly written porn. But I don’t want to know that my sister and coworker are reading said porn. It’s like:
My own personal "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy.
Guys, I really don’t want to think about my sis reading a bdsm novel. I don’t I don’t I don’t.
I need some brain bleach.


  1. My Daddy, my wife and my sister have all been reading The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo books. I have had no end of fun harassing my sister about reading dirty books with our father.

    She had no idea what they were like...just that they were supposed to be good. So, she bought herself and Daddy a didn't take long before she was mortified.

    The funniest part was him trying to explain to her that, at 72, he hadn't lead an entirely sheltered life...which I think freaked her out even more.


  2. Time to fight fire with fire. Tell her about your predilection for adult horsey porn (Where nude guys throw on a saddle and let women ride them around like horses. Good luck erasing that image.).
    I love that your coworker thought it was some Liam Neeson stuff. I also laughed at your (sic) notation. Hilarious.
    I didn't know it was fan fiction. That means my Spider-man cosplay/furry porn mash-up novel has a chance.

  3. now i need to read this :p

  4. Hahahhaaha I had a 50 Shades of Grey post planned too! I keep getting into passive aggressive arguments on Facebook about that stupid fucking book.

  5. There would be a huge market for brain bleach in this day and age, I think.

  6. I've seen people mention it before, but never knew what it was about actually.

  7. Never heard of the book. In fact I've never read Twilight nor seen the movies. I'm just going to assume that anything relative of Twilight is automatically junk.

  8. Hmmm. I heard about it on the news, but am not really interested in reading it either. I fear it would make me feel uncomfortable in front of Lucee

  9. I haven't heard of this yet? But thanks for the warning, I know not to read it now.

  10. I had to google bdsm. I love learning new things. A couple of your comments say they haven't heard of this book. I wonder how that might happen. Anyway, good for you. This is the first post for that book, and there have been many, that takes the stand that its so bad why even consider reading. I agree. I couldn't get past the surprise me page on Amazon. Ugh. And you told it in your inimitably funny way! Cheers.

  11. Back when I was in college, I borrowed a book from a sweet little 12-year old neighbor girl, which turned out to be the most disgusting thing I'd ever read (even now, 30 years later). Think wayward campers captured by family of backwoods cannibals.

    But the most horrifying thing was knowing that the neighbor girl had already read it. Totally wanted to force-feed the brain bleach to her AND me.

  12. Once he whipped her vagina with a riding crop, I returned that shit. Badly written porn is an understatement!!!!

  13. I think you should read it. I love reading erotica (aka poorly written porn). I think it's hot. But I don't have time to read 50 Shades, so you should and give us a report! Mmmmkay? Thanks!

  14. So offended. I kid, I kid. I like your policy but I do feel you should read before you bash. It's a first novel. It's a not going to be spectacular. I completely appreciate it for what it is- a mindless read that keeps me entertained. As for sister. Pretend it's a book about Barbie and ken on a journey to the dark side.

  15. She is almost as bad a writer as the Twilight lady. That's why I won't read it. I can't read badly written books.

    But good on her for getting so successful writing worse than I did when I was 11. It really just proves to me that our society will swallow anything they're told to do. As for the "shocking" factor: there have been books like this written for centuries. Only some of those were actually written well.

  16. Thanks for the PSA Gia, now I won't bother. I'd heard of it but I don't think I picked up on it being Twilight related. I didn't waste my time on any of those either so I'm grateful for the head's up.

  17. I don't want to read it, mainly because it's purported to be poorly written. But I honestly have no problem whatsoever with reading erotica! (Which I think is different from porn.) I've read some good erotica. What? Too much information? But you know what bothers me about 50 Shades of Grey? It's FANFIC. In what universe is it ok for authors to publish fanfic? I thought the whole point of fanfic was to pay hommage to things we like (even if people like crappy books like Twilight, which is a whole 'nother thing)...NOT to profit off them. It seems 50 shades of morally gray to me.

  18. GUYS. LOOK.

    I don't normally pimp my own writing, but for those of you who are curious but not enough to pick up the book, I'm posting recaps on it and let me tell you, this book is really, really bad.

    You can start here:

    The writing is terrible, which most people will own to, but the characters are just as bad. I've recapped five chapters and it's made me absolutely HATE Ana. Like too much hate for a fictional character, but whatevs.

  19. I talk to people about the porn I watch all the time. Is that so wrong?!

  20. I'm torn, because I want people to be more open about sex...but not with me.

    I have not read the books because I still haven't read the rest of the "Hunger Games" trilogy, so I'm just literarily remedial. I assumed they were poorly written and when I heard it was a man that writes them, I scratched them off my reading list. I don't need to spend anymore time learning what a man thinks women should want. I read fashion magazines for that.

  21. I just thought of something even yuckier than knowing your sister is reading porn...your sister reading porn on the kindle you gave her! Ewww! I need to go take a shower! I feel dirty (and not in the hot, sexy, dirty porn way...just dirty.)

  22. I don't do cheesy romance porn novels. But stories that make me tingle in my special place I just can't put down. I'm on the third book. Mainly because I have obsessive compulsive disorder if I don't read all 3 books, some kittens will die.

    In all seriousness, the books are complete bullshit. I think we are safe to say Gia won't be reading them.

  23. I kind of want to read it just because of all the hype and because I like hating on things. I'm perverse that way. Probably not as perverse as the characters in the book, I hear.

  24. I am hearing about this everywhere!! And I just found out it started out as twilight fan fiction Wild!

  25. Eh, it's not as raunchy as everyone's saying. Idk what that says about me...but...ok, I'll stop now...

  26. bdsm. bdsm? bsdm!

    Janie Lola

  27. Oh yeah, I've heard about how bad 50 Shades is so I never really tried to find out why.

  28. I only heard that the book was massively popular, but had no idea it was about BDSM. Sign me up! Where in the hell is my wallet, and can I find a bookstore open at this hour?

  29. My husband told me it's for women in bad marriages and he looked at me all sad, like, "Are you going to read it? Do you think we have a bad marriage?" So I passed. Then I heard all the porn stuff and I was like, "If I want porn, I'll send my kid away and get naked."

    The end.

    P.S. BDSM/FML Learned two new things today.

    ~The G is Silent

  30. Ha ha I had to google to understand your post. I have just had an Ah huh moment. My daughter dislikes the "Twilight" novels but she reads some of the other vampire novels. We were at a second hand bookstore the other day and I saw one that was reasonably priced and it was the first in the series. I handed it to her to look. She took a look and said, "I will pass" I asked, "Why?" and she gave me a don't ask look.

  31. Never read twilight but I did pick up 50 Shades. I knew what I was picking up. If I wanted heavy, deep, mind fucking reads I would grab Irishman's medical books from college. :)

    It's not as bad as some, and it is worse than others. Just depends on what kind of read you are looking for. I plan on reading book two lol

  32. I have this thing where if I see a book or work of entertainment mentioned three times in different places .... well. I have to go check it out.

    Congratulations. You are the reason I'm going to become obsessed with 50 Shades of Grey.

  33. What the effing hell??? A coworker just sent me the pdf for this book in an e-mail. I've heard nothing about this but I got about 23 pages in. It's a PORN novel? Do I even need to bother reading further? And what the FUCK is BDSM? NM, I haven't read your other commenters comments. I can't be the only one who doesn't know.

    Can I?

  34. Something tells me that I am not going to read this book. Like, ever.

    -Barb the French Bean