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| Originally created for a "draw a tiny manatee" contest. |
Me: Hi, Melissa!
Melissa: Hi Gia! Do you have any
chocolate?
Me: Uh, what?
Melissa: Chocolate. You know,
CHOCK-O-LAT-TE.
Me: …are you sure you’re supposed
to be eating chocolate?
Melissa: What the hell is THAT
supposed to mean?
Me: No no, not that –
Melissa: I’m PMSsy, you know.
Bloated.
Me: …sure…
Melissa: AND PISSY! Do you have
chocolate?
Me: Well, yes. I just wasn’t sure
if it was good for manatees…
Melissa: Look, I’m a sea-cow. Do
you really think some chocolate is gonna hurt me?
Me: No?
Melissa: Good answer. Pony up.
Me: Okay okay. Sheesh. Anything
else I can help you with.
Melissa: Midol and a heating pad?
Me: You’re UNDERWATER, Melissa.
Melissa: Don’t judge me.
Melissa, forget the Midol, go with Naproxen
ReplyDeleteScrew the Naproxen - go with the Norco and a wine chaser!
DeleteShe's just gonna get drunk and regrettably hooking up with a narwhal. Don't indulge her.
ReplyDeleteIt is never regrettable to hook up with a narwhal.
DeleteHa. She is pretty tiny. I was unaware that manatees could feel bloated. Who knew?
ReplyDeleteI would fork over the chock-a-latte pretty darn quick. I don't think Melissa is in the mood to debate. Forget the Midol and offer her some fun rummy drinks with umbrellas in them. After a few she is going to feel way more fun.
ReplyDeleteSo sad! I stomped into our little local grocery store (in a town where everybody knows everybody) and purchased pads, Pringles, and lots of chocolate. The clerk lady totally laughed at me, and now I feel like the whole. damn. town. knows.
ReplyDeleteDon't argue with something that big on its period! Just fork over whatever she wants and get the hell out of Dodge!
ReplyDeleteI love chocolate. I think I am a sea cow sometimes.
ReplyDeleteGive her the chocolate. She may try to kill you and pass it off as a "hug"
ReplyDeleteI love that Sexy Melissa feels good enough about her body while PMSing that she can still rock a bikini. Now give her the damn chocolate.
ReplyDeleteI can relate to Melissa. I feel like Melissa only without the PMS. I don't get that anymore, but I still feel like Melissa. le sigh
ReplyDeleteMelissa can have all my chocolate -- well, the MILK chocolate anyway. The dark is mine ... MINE I say! Ahem, um sorry. No more coffee for me.
ReplyDeleteHey Melissa, meet me in the abandoned warehouse behind the coral reef in ten minutes. I'll give you the good stuff. Knock your cramps right out. In fact, it'll knock YOU right out. You don't need to drive anywhere for the next six hours, do you?
ReplyDeleteLMAO A sea cow? Psh, of course they could have chocolate Gia... lol
ReplyDeleteI'm sitting here eating some chocolate as I comment, guess I'm a Manatee! xD
ReplyDeleteHon yells at me when I get chocolate... and eats it.
ReplyDeleteSo tempted to buy chocolate and eat it on the shore.
ReplyDeleteClose enough so that manatee can watch me, but too far away to grab it from me.
I need something salty and sweet when I get all womanly each month. TMI. That's what I am here for.
ReplyDeleteI will say this, though: she totally rocks the bathing suit. More power to her.
ReplyDelete(And if I were you, I'd supply her with all the chocolate she wants before she gets stabby.)
-Barb the French Bean