Wednesday, April 25, 2012

I Have No Depth Perception

Anyone remember how I’m kind of pokey with Boyfriend? Not in a sexy way, but a eyeballsy way? Basically, I blogged back in November about how I accidentally poke his eye a lot.
  
How’s that been going, you ask? Well, I’m trying. I don’t think his eye has been poked that much lately. However, there are other pokey issues. Like, I may have gotten his ear a few times:

Or a nose. Once or twice.
  
Or a cheek. This happens occasionally.

After one pokey incident, Boyfriend finally pointed out to me, “YOUR DEPTH PERCEPTION IS AWFUL.” I realize this might be related to the fact that I am blind as a bat without glasses on:

I realize that all the times I lovingly reach towards his face, I think it’s like this:
Yes, I know I went more cartoony with these two pictures. Don't judge me. I wanted to change it up.  
But from Boyfriend’s perspective, it’s more like this.

Anyhoo, I’m trying, you guys. It’s actually really hard not to accidentally poke Boyfriend in the face with my talons fingers. Until then, Boyfriend should probably step up his protective gear to something like this:

It’s a sexy look.

Okay, not sexy. But effective. Please tell me you guys accidentally assault your significant others on a regular basis, too. Please?

39 comments:

  1. I'm sorry but if you tried to poke my eyes on a regular basis, I'd dump you. But then again, I have a weird thing about eyes.

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  2. I can not say that I regularly assault my men. But, I do love how you're trying to solve the problem. At least you're admitting and working on a solution. LOL

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  3. Ummmm not very hot, no. I think he's better off with bruises and scratch marks... much sexier!

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  4. Chuckweasel punches me in the boob on a fairly regular basis. He CLAIMS I stand too close to him and his elbow therefore hits me in the boob. I maintain I stand the same distance from him as I do anyone else I'm trying to talk to in a loud situation and so far NO ONE ELSE has punched my boob.

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  5. You are not alone, my friend. While I don't go poking people in the eye--allegedly--I have an issue with this when I'm driving and parking. I think it would probably be safer if I just poked people in the eye.

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  6. How about hand temperature? For the first decades of our marriage, my wife's hands were like ice. Seriously. Lately, it's changed. It's about 50/50 if they will be ice, or warm.

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  7. So you want him to dress like a supervillain? That's fine, but you have only yourself to blame when Spider-man takes him down.

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  8. Apparently while I was sleeping the other day I almost elbowed my boyfriend in the face. This happens a lot while I'm sleeping, I think the protective armour idea has something going for it, although he may be a little uncomfortable sleeping in it.

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  9. I purposely put my finger in my boyfriend's ear just to mess with him.

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  10. On night I THOUGHT I'd rolled over and poked The Dark Knight in the eye. Next morning I saw bloody Kleenex and found out I'd punched him in the nose.

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  11. If you put a nose plug in both nostrils, we'll then have to assume your intentions far exceed random, accidental pokage.

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  12. i bite ! and sometimes when i show him my new kick-boxing moves....hmm, well. it can get a little disastrous for him !

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  13. I relate!! This is how I feel about one of my kids!! hahaha...Seriously! She has no idea of her power. She will run up to hug me and it's totally coming from love but feels like a body slam!

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  14. I accidently jabbed a wooden sword into my friend's eye once. Also, I have a habit of accidently elbowing my girlfriend on her left eye. It's accidental; I swear.

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  15. I have to LOL. The graphic is too cute! I'm a more observant person, I don't accidentally assault the hubster. But he always stepped on the heel of my shoes.

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  16. If its any consolation, Irishman DOES wear a helmet around me now. He even wore one to bed one night which I think is totally unfair. I accidentally kicked him in the side of the head and I accidentally kneed him in the nose. I can't help it if I get a little over excited and misjudge distance. Like you, I am horribly blind with out my corrective wear (ie contacts or glasses).

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  17. Does Robot Girlfriend like the protective look? If not, I think he's better off with you scratching and poking him.

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  18. Poor Boyfriend. Also? Head gear is not attractive under any circumstances.

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  19. I looked at him in protective gear and I saw Wolverine. Then I thought Magneto might come and all of the apartment stuff that gives you problems like your toaster, would stick to him.

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  20. I love the headgear. Ear plugs, still ok, but the nose plug has to go. Don't have a significant other to poke, though, so I can't really tell.

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  21. Sometimes I do it on purpose... and pretend it was an accident and because I am usually a clumsy fool he lets it slide. Nothing like a good poke in the eye to say I Love You.

    Love Elle xo

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  22. Yes. I have poor depth perception too. I don't have stereoscopic vision. I can't see stuff in 3D or anything either. It's a miracle I haven't poked my husband's eye out. Actually, it's a miracle I haven't poked my own eye out.

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  23. Boyfriend in his protective gear makes me immediately envision Magneto and I'm not talking Sir Ian- I'm referencing The Fassbender. And that is indeed sex-ay!

    Also, I tend to gnaw on my husband's shoulder when I'm falling asleep. It starts and gently nips and just ends in a drooling gnaw. So... there's weirder things you could do.

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  24. Oh yes, I totally accidentally kick husband in the balls all the time.

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  25. Yikes, do you have nails? I think I would wear a fencing mask instead of all those separate plugs and whatnot.

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  26. Oh my gosh. I accidentally poked Tech Boy in the eye when we were out at a bar watching a UFC fight. I poked his contact right out of his eye. He lost it forever. 4 hours of sex made him forget about it though.

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  27. I don't have depth perception either, that's why most of my friends say I shouldn't really try to drive. I constantly hurt MYSELF. I get bruises for bumping my arm to the side of a door, or my thigh for hitting the tissue dispenser in a bathroom stall when I lift my leg to flush... You know, normal stuff. And yeah, I hurt other people too. I literally bump into people when I walk.

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  28. Boyfriend is a brave boyfriend, huh? What's a little pain and blood to have a nice girlfriend, though? The upside is that you are really funny so he can laugh while his scars mend.

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  29. Might I say that your boyfriend looks like he could be the next superhero with all of that head gear?

    As for the depth perception, are you far-sighted?

    -Barb

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  30. I hope you give this man the credit he deserves in real life too.
    I only usually accidentally assault people if I've had over 100 proof liquor - then look out because you might find yourself in a prone hold and your glasses broken.

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  31. oh I definitely hurt my husband on accident on a regular basis. i somehow manage to headbutt his face almost weekly. i felt bad for a long time but I've recently decided to blame him for not have ninja skills enough to dodge my blows. everyone should have head-dodging ninja skills.

    love the blog btw.

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  32. That reminds me of an old joke:

    What's the difference between ass kissing and brown-nosing?

    Depth Perception.

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  33. I once had a girlfriend fling her head into my crotch. She claimed that it was because she wasn't wearing her glasses and told me that I should be happy that she was trying to make me happy.

    It might have been true but it put a bit of a damper on that happy moment she was trying to create.

    Got to agree with the others, The Magneto look is pretty cool.

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  34. My boyfriend, DJ, elbows and kicks me on an almost nightly basis. How that happens, I don't know since I am the one who is accident prone. Apparently I only hurt myself. I do however sleep walk and apparently one night I grabbed my ex-husbands face, shoved my fingers in between his jaw bones and told him to stop snoring before getting him in the goods. When I actually woke up there were bruises on his jaw and he was walking with a limp. And I was informed that it wasn't the first time it had happened. I guess DJ beating me in my sleep is just karma. It's ok though because I just try to suffocate him.

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  35. Lately I've woken up a few times with my hand in TriGuy's face. He hates having his nose touched so any time I lean in he scrunches his face and turns away. That's what kind of effect I have on the man I love.

    Also, he used to knee me in the butt and wake both of us out of a dead sleep. Apparently, he would dream about football :P

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  36. I accidentally slap people all the time. This is a problem because, as my mother says, I have a heavy hand. My lead hands have knocked people over and made them cry.

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  37. I've been known to punch my husband in the faces while reaching out for him in bed in the morning.

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  38. I flick my boyfriend. It started out I just did it when you would make a joke at my expense, but now I just do it and don't even realize it.

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