Hi all! Hope everyone had a good Easter (if you celebrate). I went home, so I didn’t get a lot of blogging done. However, I do have some extra texting between Boyfriend and I that is pretty entertaining, if you like watching me get mad and worry about wives.
If you need background, go here and here. In a nutshell, Boyfriend went on vacation in Utah and I’m worried he’s going to come back with wives. Six wives, in fact. They’re all going to be horrible:
Me: How are your wives?
Boyfriend: I have two new ones. One is Asian. Only 18
Me: Grrr. How’s everything going? Eating carbs?
Boyfriend: LOTS of carbs. Gained five pounds. Very hot.
Me: Sexypants. I can’t wait to see you.
Boyfriend: Who are you again? Going to be very busy with the wives and all…
Me: I’m going to cut it off
Boyfriend: This Mormon shit is cool
Sooo much pussy!
Me: Cut it right off and put it in my pocket
Ps there is no such thing as an Asian Mormon
Boyfriend: There is now. Gorgeous. You’re going to need to step up your game.
Me: What?!? I’m already working on being the world’s best girlfriend!!
Boyfriend: You’ve only worked on one thing!!!
Me: …which one?
Boyfriend: *redacted* [Let’s just call it, the suckerpunch incident]
Me: How many other things do I need to fix?!?
Boyfriend: Let’s just go one at a time, shall we.
Me: …I’ve been drinking a lot.
Boyfriend: Five wives!
Me: WHAT HOW ARE YOU GETTING THEM SO FAST?!
Boyfriend: What happened to one glass a night?
Me: What happened to not being a whorebag?
Boyfriend: Like shooting fish in a barrel here. I have my hair and a car.
What happened to…oh never mind…
I’m going to go buy you a shot glass and go back to the room
Me: Aww thanks honey! <3
Boyfriend: Yeah yeah whatever
The next day:
Me: When you come back, I'm going to be like this cat:
Boyfriend: How would that be dif than usual?
Me: If you bring back any wives, I’m going to claw their eyes out. NBD.
Boyfriend: 6 on one. I think you’d lose. The 18 year old Asian is my number one wife.
Me: I can fight six Mormons. No problem. [It’s gonna be like the Hunger Games…]
Boyfriend: Wait Miriam and Beck need something
Me: You better have renamed your kids, buddy
Boyfriend: Sooo many wives. I forget half their names.
Me: I need to go buy a couple of alligators to eat the body parts. Six is a lot. Allie can’t handle all that.
Boyfriend: We should keep a couple. They can come in handy.
Me: Fine. But not the Asian one.