Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Valentine's Day Polar Bear


Valentine's Day is coming up! So I've decided to ask some of our favorite animals about their plans. Today, I interviewed the polar bear (not Popsicle, we'll talk about him later).



Me: Hi Polar Bear!
Polar Bear: Hello!
Me: You look dashing with that bowtie
PB: Thanks, but I’m taken.
Me: Umm, that’s not what I meant. I mean, I have Boyfriend
PB: Sure sure, I know how you blogger girls are. 
Me: How’s that?
PB: Whores.
Me: Wow, that is HARSH.
PB: Sorry Gia.  I’ve just seen some websites-
Me: I’m not a whore!
PB: Okay, okay.
Me: So, do you have any Valentines plans?
PB: Gonna take the missus down to the iceberg where we met (or one around it because that one melted) and sex her clothes right off.
Me: Um, how sweet. How long have you been together?
PB: 8. 
Me: 8 what? 
PB: I’m a polar bear, we don’t measure time like you do. Just 8.
Me: Okaaaay. Did you get her anything?
PB: Yes, this dead seal. Here wanna see?
Me: NO! Um, no thank you. I’m sure it’s lovely.
PB: Yes, yes it is.
Me: Good luck with your date!
PB: Want me to let you know how it goes?
Me: Not really, no.

Well, that was interesting. I'm glad polar bear is keeping the passion alive. Weird, dead seal passion.

33 comments:

  1. Hopeless romantics those polar bears. He didn't mention how penguins are always ruining their moment of passion. Those creepy little birds, always staring at the bears, and their voyeurism is narrated by Morgan Freeman. It's really unsettling when you want to knock the paws.

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  2. I just wonder if he has any bitter feelings towards the Coca Cola bears and the unrealistic expectations they set forth about dexterity with bottles. I mean, blogging girls might be whores, but what about soda drinking polar bears?

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    Replies
    1. Oh, we do NOT talk about oca-cay ola-cay in front of the polar bear.

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  3. How did you get so close to the bear without him eating you? Did you know a polar bear's skin is black?

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    1. Why does it matter what his skin color is hmmmmm? :P

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  4. ooooh, a dead seal. I gotta steal that idea and get one for The Editor!

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    Replies
    1. Tell the Editor that I am sorry.

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  5. aww Polar Bear, congrats on your 8!! lol

    and a dead seal just SCREAMS romance. hahaha

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  6. Wait. But how did he get fresh flowers in the arctic? Does teleflora deliver all the way up there? Hold on. You wen to the zoo to interview that bear, didn't you. Fess up, whore.

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  7. I want a dead seal for Valentines day. Maybe a dead seal in the form of a shawl or mittens.

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  8. I would accept a dead seal. Have it mounted and put in the front yard.

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  9. 8. :-) I wish him luck on his iceberg.

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  10. Brr! Good thing they've got those lovely coats!

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  11. This makes me think of all the Coke commercials during the Superbowl. :-) The only difference? YOUR polar bear entertained me. :-)

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  12. I thought he was going to blame your hair dryer and flat iron for the iceburg where is met his polar bear chick not being there anymore. Boyfriend would have if you asked him ;-)

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  13. All polar bears look same to me. How can he identify his girl? And good call about blogger girls. For a bear who gifts dead seal he does look like a smart teddy. Right gift would be a furry plush human toy holding a heart.

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  14. I can't thank you enough, PB! Now I know what to get the husband for Valentine's Day. He'll love a dead seal!

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    Replies
    1. Actually, that's not true...how about a LIVE seal! Even better!

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    2. Hahah...so he can club it himself?

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  15. If he sits on a block of ice like that for too long it will chill his ardour.

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  16. Who knew that polar bears would give the best Valentine's Day presents?

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  17. I ain't got nobody to give me a dead seal.

    Love,
    Janie

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  18. I want an update on how it went! Haha!

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  19. Ha!
    Another one knocked out of the park. Really cute. Especially the "Just 8" bit.

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  20. I'll have you guys know that for polar bears, a dead seal is the most thoughtful gift imaginable. Especially a plump one with lots of fat.
    Polar bears are actually quite amiable if you approach them the right way. The right way is projecting your inner polar bear. What, you don't have one? That could be a problem.
    Polar bears identify their mates by smell. And they don't all look alike you know.
    A human would not make a good gift. They taste terrible and fall apart soon if you play with them.
    Polar bears have thick fur and good insulation. He can sit on a block of ice for a very long time without cooling his ardor. Especially if he's wait for a seal to bring to his bear girl.
    As for the flowers, polar bears are really quite clever about such things.

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    Replies
    1. Humans get plushy,furry polarbears with bowties for valentine's and that seem work right?

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  21. Wow, PB doesn't mess around, huh?

    Bloggers= whores. I like that. I like that a lot.

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  22. This made my coffee taste better.

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  23. Hey, first time visitor. Long time, er... well, first time reader. I'm going to make it my life's work to find out what sort of drugs you're taking...

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  24. Very cute. It's nice to see that kind of passion still exists with global warming an all.

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