Me: Well…this is awkward.
(Angry) Lioness: Did I FUCKING miss this shit again?!
Me: NO NO NO! Um, some cultures don’t celebrate Valentine’s Day til the 16th!
Lioness: If you lie to me I’m going to fucking cut you!
Me:…yes… it was the 14th….
Lioness: DAMNIT!! How am I supposed to keep all this shit straight? I’m A VERY BUSY LIONESS.
Me: I know I know, its okay. Well…did you have a nice Valentine’s Day?
Lioness: HOW COULD IT BE NICE GIA? I DIDN’T KNOW IT WAS FUCKING TUESDAY.
Me: Well, were you going to have any plans?
Lioness: NO. I don’t celebrate this commercialized hallmark card bullshit of a holiday.
Me: Heyy…it can just be about recognizing someone you care about. Not cards and chocolate and whatnot.
Lioness: Sure Gia, and you should only do that one day a year? Bullshit. You celebrate VD because the MAN tells you so.
Me: Well, maybe a little….
Lioness: I’m surprised Boyfriend agreed to even recognize it as a day.
Me: Yeah, me too a bit. Sometimes, he’s a softie.
Lioness: Snerk, he should take Viagra.
Me: HEY NOT LIKE THAT! Everything is working great is that department. I mean, not so great that you should try to make a move on my man, any potential Zombie Sluts who are reading this. Just great for us.
Lioness: Yeah yeah. Look, I’m gonna go gorge on 90% off VD chocolate.
Me: Doesn’t that make you a hypocrite?
Lioness: Look, I’m not made of money, okay? I wouldn’t allow my agent to book these fucking gigs if that were the case. Its 90% off chocolate!! I’m not a moron!
Me: Can lionesses even eat chocolate?
Lioness: Bitch, I’ll eat what I want. I’M A MOTHERFUCKING LIONESS.
Me: Fair enough.