Thursday, February 16, 2012

Valentine's Day Lioness



Me: Well…this is awkward. 
(Angry) Lioness: Did I FUCKING miss this shit again?!
Me: NO NO NO! Um, some cultures don’t celebrate Valentine’s Day til the 16th!
Lioness: If you lie to me I’m going to fucking cut you!
Me:…yes… it was the 14th….
Lioness: DAMNIT!! How am I supposed to keep all this shit straight? I’m A VERY BUSY LIONESS. 
Me: I know I know, its okay. Well…did you have a nice Valentine’s Day?
Lioness: HOW COULD IT BE NICE GIA? I DIDN’T KNOW IT WAS FUCKING TUESDAY.
Me: Well, were you going to have any plans?
Lioness: NO. I don’t celebrate this commercialized hallmark card bullshit of a holiday. 
Me: Heyy…it can just be about recognizing someone you care about. Not cards and chocolate and whatnot.
Lioness: Sure Gia, and you should only do that one day a year? Bullshit. You celebrate VD  because the MAN tells you so. 
Me: Well, maybe a little….
Lioness: I’m surprised Boyfriend agreed to even recognize it as a day.
Me: Yeah, me too a bit. Sometimes, he’s a softie.
Lioness: Snerk, he should take Viagra. 
Me: HEY NOT LIKE THAT! Everything is working great is that department. I mean, not so great that you should try to make a move on my man, any potential Zombie Sluts who are reading this. Just great for us.
Lioness: Yeah yeah. Look, I’m gonna go gorge on 90% off VD chocolate. 
Me: Doesn’t that make you a hypocrite?
Lioness: Look, I’m not made of money, okay? I wouldn’t allow my agent to book these fucking gigs if that were the case. Its 90% off chocolate!! I’m not a moron!
Me: Can lionesses even eat chocolate?
Lioness: Bitch, I’ll eat what I want. I’M A MOTHERFUCKING LIONESS.
Me: Fair enough. 

17 comments:

  1. Did the lioness wake up on the wrong side of the bed this morning? She seem rather bitchy!

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  2. Please thank The Lioness for the 90% off chocolate tip. I had totally forgotten about that!

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  3. When my man is a softie, he takes zinc! Oh yeah, I don't have one. boo le hoo

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  4. Lioness: If you lie to me I’m going to fucking cut you!

    Has the lioness been hanging out with my wife? I'm assuming so. Just remember to give her chocolate and you won't get shanked. For me, it's a pretty fair trade off.

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  5. VD chocolate huh? Pretty sure I'd like to stay away from any type of V diseases out there. Even if it is 90% off.

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  6. Do her chocolates have little pieces of zebra inside them?

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  7. Aww poor Lioness. You're just a little late. No worries!!

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  8. Oh no... chocolate is poisonous to cats.. that's what she gets for being bitchy

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  9. Lioness has certainly embraced the hate! Love it.

    And I always think of VD as venerial disease. Just shows you where my mind wanders!

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  10. I am also a Leo so I feel a certain kinship with the Lioness. Then again, maybe it's just the bitchiness. Either way, tell her to carry on.

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  11. The lion or lioness are not known for being very loving. If you want love go for the panther. They are very mysterious and will kill anyone who demands your affection.

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  12. You just can't make this kind of stuff up!!! Oh, wait! You did!! Friggin hysterical!!

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  13. It seems to me that Lioness is not really into Valentine's Day or being social.

    I do appreciate the Viagra joke.

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  14. I think the lioness is PMS-ing.

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  15. Well, that lioness sure told YOU. I hope you've learned your lesson and aren't late again! She will maul a bitch!

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  16. Slip that Lioness some Midol PM with her chocolate. (-:
    PS: You are really really funny!

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  17. He should take Viagra! snort, snort, chortle

    Love,
    Janie

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