Monday, February 27, 2012

I Went to the Doctor and He Was a Jerk.

[Linking up with yeahwrite!]


This may come as a shock to you because it appears that I subsist on wine and chocolate, but I don’t actually get sick that much (knocks furiously on wood). While I’ve gone to specialty docs like the eye doctor or dentist or gyno, I haven’t been to a general practitioner since I moved to my current location a 2.5 years ago. 

But last week, when there was definitely some a-hem, burning and bladder pain, I knew I probably had a UTI and had to go to the doctor for antibiotics. Not only because webmd convinced me that my kidneys were about to explode, but facetiming with Boyfriend was kind of like this:




So I chose a random doctor and made an appointment for 9:30 am on Tuesday. I should note that I’m also SUPER busy at work right now, so my priority was to get in, pee in a cup, get my antibiotics, and skedaddle to work. (Yes, I say skedaddle. No, I do not appreciate your judgment.)

The doctor, on the other hand, had a different agenda. Now, I get that because I am a new patient they have to ask SOME medical history questions, but they practice “whole patient care” and let’s just say it’s a little extreme. 



Fuck me. After going through the basics (which I answered without a problem), he got a bit nosy.









I swear he really said that.



Of course, this happened.













 And then the barrage came:
I swear all these were asked. And this is just the tip of the iceberg.

Guys, if I wanted to be interrogated, I would have called my mom. And given her one word non-answers too.






And THEN the condescending jerkface said this:

You know, for another fun check up to talk about our feelings and maybe some potential pet names.

Did I mention I don't take well to guilt tripping or shaming??

Finally:






And that’s how I got over my UTI.



Linking up with blog bash! It's hard to pick a FAVORITE post - I like this one a lot though!

86 comments:

  1. Whoa. Horrifying. That doctor asked A LOT of non-health related, really uncomfortable questions. Maybe you need a new doc. I've never had anyone ask about roommates or anything like what this dude asked.

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  2. Oooooh ouch... doctors can be such pricks sometimes. And this is probably the most embarrasing thing to ever go to the doctor for.. I had to go last year and had a male doctor that looked like my grandad. Majorly uncool.

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  3. oh wow. such a nosy idiot. really none of his business.
    but i'm glad that your UTI is gone now.

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  4. LOL what a weird weird little man!!!! x

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  5. LMAO!!! I can't believe he asked all those questions...

    So, if you ever need a dr again are you going back to him? And was this your back pain that you mentioned a while ago?

    Ummmm wait... I'm starting to sound like the dr... never mind - don't answer! Glad you survived the ordeal though and got rid if the UTI. Nasty business!

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  6. Those questions are a bit much! I've bestowed you with an award. Come over to my blog and claim it.

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  7. UTIs are the WORST! I use to get a lot of them when I was having chemo.

    You should have just answered with a bunch of ridiculous lies. "roomate?" "yes, her name is Monica" "boyfriend" "yes, well it's complicated, I really love Monica's brother Ross, but he is seeing this other girl at the moment. We do have a baby though, Emma" "what are your hobbies?" "oh, I mostly like to hang out with my pals Joey and Chandler"

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  8. What a dick! And going for an issue as sensitive as a UTI too. UGH.

    And what right does he have asking you who you live with? WHAT IS HE IMPLYING?

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  9. They ask those questions to judge your risk assessment. To see how bad ass reckles you are. I know because I asked the doctor once why he was all up in my business about seat belts when I was there just for my annual vagina inspection. (PS I passed and got my sticker GOOD TILL 2013)

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  10. I'm pretty sure you have grounds for a lawsuit. If you go to the doctor to inquire about something as simple as a UTI, by no means are they to ask you a string of questions about aspects of your life completely unrelated to your vagina.

    What a total dick. File a formal complaint.

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  11. Hey! As a first time reader, I just had to stumble on a post about UTIs didn't I? Still, I enjoyed the post and the pictures. You really need a new doctor.

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    1. Hahahha....it's a very TMI filled week, actually. Be prepared.

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  12. It seems like a lot of doctors lose touch with how to communicate with people. Over time, I think some degree of a "God complex" sets in, and they think they are just so far above us mere mortals.

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  13. Lol..... I remember having to go to the docs and getting that same line about how tests were inconclusive and that I should return in 6 months to get a camera shoved down my throat so they could, and I quote:

    "Take a look around down there and see if we can spot anything"

    Needless to say, once the problem stopped, that magical fun time with the camera got cancelled.

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  14. GIrl, I may have just peed myself from laughing so hard!!! Did he REALLY ask all those questions?????? When I go to the doctor, I wait about 2 hours to sit with the dr for about 30 seconds. Every time she tells me I have an ear infection. I could be puking up intestines and she'll tell me I have an ear infection.

    Looks like you made a new friend! hahaha

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    1. I swear these were all real questions. It was redonkulous.

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  15. I must not be that interesting. My doctor never wants to talk to me that long. Maybe if I made my mouth squiggly, she would be more intrigued? :) Ellen

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  16. Damn that sucks. My doctor is super hands on too, but he is really down to earth, so it doesn't bug me as much. Luckily I have Kaiser so when I get UTI's I rarely have to talk in. I talk to the phone doctor and they ask you like 500 questions and if you answer them all right they prescribe antibiotics. I love when that happens because I feel like I win my own antibiotic game show.

    Hope you are feeling better.

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    1. win your own antibiotic game show - funny!

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  17. I'm sorry that you have a UTI - those are sucky. :( And I'm sorry that the appointment took forever, but I'm kind of glad it did (I'm being selfish) because I like this post!

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  18. Wow. He was pushy. My doctor is usually trying to get out of the room when I go because she is busy and I like to act like we're friends. She doesn't have to ask any questions because I tend to over share. I feel like the doctor's office is the one place I can do that though, because they can't act like I'm odd.

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  19. Maybe he was hitting on you. As part of revenge you should send my hubby to that doctor. He can be such a pain in the ass.
    Doc: Hi, How are you?
    Hubby: If I am fine, why would I come here?
    Doc: When is the lasttime you visited doc?
    Hubby: I dont like doc visits. I avoid them completely.
    Doc: Okie. What is wrong or what is bothering you?
    Hubby: You are the doctor. You tell me.
    Doc: Are you running temperature, coughing, puking, constipation?
    Hubby: You and your nurse dont talk? Why did she put thermometer in my mouth if I need to tell hat temperature I have?

    Why do you think deserves more sympathy? Obvisouly me, forget the doc he is paid undergo all these.

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  20. I wonder if you would have thought differently about his questions if you weren't in such a hurry. Doctors these days often don't pay enough attention to personal care and getting to know their patients. Was he reading the more personal questions like a check list? Or were they more a conversational tone? He could have just been trying to develop a good personal rapport with you. If he hadn't asked any questions he would be distant, impersonal, and could miss things that might be important. He doesn't seem to be one of those guys.

    I'm very sensitive to doctor-patient relationships because I've had ones that didn't ask enough questions or didn't pay enough attention to what it was I was actually saying and ending up messing up my health even more.

    I hope you feel better soon though! UTIs are just awful.

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  21. This totally reminds me of the Chiropractor I worked for a while back. He asked your BF and roommate's names so he can recruit them as patients. Joy.

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  22. Wow. I would have punched that guy in the fucking face.

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  23. This sounds just awful. Isn't it amazing that someone can go to school for 10+ years and still be an idiot? You know, I haven't been to a doctor in 12 years. I'm perfectly healthy and take great care of myself, but I'm sure according to Dr. Assface, I'm an uneducated slob, right? You should have scalded him with burning pee (no wait, it only burned coming out, it didn't actually BURN, right? Still, you should have)

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  24. OK, I'm all for whole-patient care...in theory. I prefer a doctor who doesn't just prescribe medication without taking a few minutes to find out what's really wrong. And I lose respect for doctors who don't ask any personal questions at all (especially about diet or activity level) on the first visit. But this? Utterly ridiculous. And I can't believe he was so smug and condescending at the end. Ugh. (And in other news...sorry about the UTI. I get those far too often. And they suck.)

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    1. Yes, exactly! Listening is totally important, and trying to establish a rapport naturally is one thing. A superficial "getting to know you" that involves a barrage of questions so that the next time I visit he can open his chart and go "Oh hey, I know you. How's your roommate?" is NOT okay with me.

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  25. Oh wow, that is uncomfortable. Just goes to show you that you don't have to be at the top of your class (socially or academically) to become a doctor.

    Something almost mildly similar happened to me sister with our family doctor. She would say: "you know how he makes you squat on the floor and walk like a duck?" I'm sure you can imagine my face when I said,

    "Yeeah, he's never made me do that. Does he make you quack, too?"

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  26. What a prick! You need to go back to someone else. Uneducated?! If he had said that to me I guarantee you would have said something to him other than "ok". That's beyond rude, disrespectful, unprofessional and all those other words that have the -ional ending!

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  27. Doc, I'm having rage fits and want to strangle you until you're purple. What do you recommend for THAT!?

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  28. I've had doctors that ask personal questions about me, but there's no reason he needs your roommate or bf's names, ages, work #s, weights, or anything else. You may want to find a new new doctor.

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  29. I thought it was bad when I was asked if I lived alone and when I replied no, I was asked who I loved with. Sheesh. These are the kind of doctors I like to go to with my sister. She don't put up with BS like I do. On another note, I love the word skeedaddle (though I spell it differently). Was in New Orleans on Fat Tuesday and my favorite costume of all was a guy dressed like a Roman Soldier and on his shield was a drawing of a fat chicken. Around the shield were the words "Losing the battle, time to skeedaddle".

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  30. I hope you're feeling better Gia. I love Eke's response! ...hanging out with my pals Joey and Chandler! LOL!

    It really ticks me off when the doctor wants to know if I have firearms at home. I guess I should clarify, it wasn't asked verbally but on a form they made me fill out. WTF!? How is that relevant to whatever I came in for (unless I have a gaping bullet hole somewhere)? Sheesh!

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  31. I died laughing at this. I hate nosy doctors. This just happened to a friend of mine. Her back was hurting. So she selected a random doctor. He bombarded her with ridiculous questions including, "what church do you attend?" She was highly upset about the entire visit. He diagnosed her with depression, gave her antidepressants, and left with her back still hurting. Apparently, with 206 questions-- he thought her back was sad, I guess.

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    1. Hahha! Maybe my bladder is just angry.

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  32. Wow. The manipulative part about being able to tell if your are educated and care about your health made me want to dig my claws into his face and rip off his social veneer of "caring" to reveal his "I like power games and you are my toy" expression.

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  33. The most personal question that should be asked for a UTI is are you pregnant or is there a chance you are pregnant? Because they don't want to hurt any possible babies. Maybe he was trying to hit on you or something. Like trying to find out if he has a chance against the bestest boyfriend in the world. Obviously, he has no woman seducing skills. And being a DR isn't doing it for him.

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  34. You should have looked at him and asked, "where did you go to school? What was your class ranking in med school? I just want to see if I will want to come back to see you in...oh say in EVER!"

    I could understand if you wanted to establish care and that is why you made the appt. Not for a UTI.

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  35. I hope you are going to find a new doctor! Jees! A lot of personal questions for one little visit!

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  36. Next time, skip the GP and go to a minute clinic in a CVS or Walgreens. They are cheaper and they only treat the symptomatic you not the whole you. In the meantime, get some recommendations from friends on a GP.

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  37. Just wait until he starts sending you reminder cards about your next appointment. Or flowers.

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  38. They also like to ask you a million times if you could possibly be pregnant. Ugh just tell me if I have a UTI and let me move on with my life. What is this? Tinker Tailor Solider Spy?

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    1. Weirdly, they like glossed right over that part (asked when my last cycle was and that was it). HELLO, I totally could be pregnant! (Don't worry Boyfriend, I'm not preggo).

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  39. What?!? No, no way did he ask some of those questions. The part about being able to tell if you are educated is so completely over the line. I would have said something along the lines of, "I'm sorry, but you are making me uncomfortable as a woman, I feel intruded upon, and this is inappropriate."

    I'm sure he would have given you antibiotics and sent you on your merry way. Jerk.

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  40. Whoa. Weird questions. None of the doctors I work for would ask questions like that. What a jerk.

    Did you have to go back for the results of your test or did he just give you antibiotics without testing your urine?

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  41. What a little jerk! I am not sure he was a doctor. He probably escaped from an insane asylum, and was playing at pretend. My doctor is too afraid to even make eye contact with me. Sad weepy face.

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  42. At least you got to see a doctor. My doctor is booking annual physicals 18 months out, and I'm supposed to be going annually. He isnt accepting any new patients. Neither is any other GP in town. If its urgent your choice is a walk in clinic, or what might be a 24 hour wait going to the hospital emerg.

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  43. That's too weird. Maybe your gyn could recommend a family doctor.

    Love,
    Janie Junebug, who is now on twitter and would love to be followed

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  44. Seriously? Never had nosy questions before, but there was once a doctor who laughed at me when I complained of hurt leg muscles because I was *only 25*

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  45. Lol , your site is fun, will visit again soon ! Thanks for dropping by mine too ;-)

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  46. Weird. And a little crazy. I always want to get in and out as quickly as possible, too - no time for stalker-y questions.

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  47. So much for ensuring you'd be back, eh?
    I hope you are feeling better.

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  48. EW! Get a new doctor!! What a tool. Last time I went to my doctor he got a huge smile on my face to tell me I was fat. He said "I never get to tell people your size (aka I never thought I was that bad) to lose weight so this is new for me." Needless to say, I've been plotting his death ever since.

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  49. Huge smile on *his* face. I'm so filled with rage that I messed that up. Ugh.

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  50. Wow! I can't believe he asked all that! That is whack! Seriously, "what if I called your house?"?!?!?!? Creepo. I wouldn't go back to him! Ha!

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  51. Those are strange questions coming from a doctor. I would definitely find a new one. Just from the questions and knowing nothing else about him...it sounds an awful lot like he was hitting on you. Which is beyond inappropriate.

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  52. Yeah, how about, "I'll be back in NEVER because you are so fucking annoying, doc!" Yuck. He sounds a little pervy to me. Or just in need of entertainment.

    I totally love your illustrations. Love.

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  53. My doctor is an ass (enters exam room carrying my specimen aloft announcing loudly, "Ewwwww. Your piss is nasty!), but yours is just creepy. Get a new doc before you catch him going through your underwear drawer.

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  54. Oh my God.
    Hilarious.
    I love-love-love your blog posts.
    I hate-hate-hate your doctor.
    And please tell me that despite the fact that you will appear uneducated, you're not going to go back to him. (-:

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  55. Whoa! Dr. Asshole. What a jerk! It's really a shame that we have to deal with doctors and their weird behavior. And Dr. Asshole's weird behavior was ESPECIALLY weird. And creepy.

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  56. Those questions are ridiculous. Dr's can be asses for sure. But regardless it gave you some awesome material and HOLY CRAP it made me CRACK UP.

    Your cartoons are AWESOME.

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  57. The most ridiculous thing is that they ask ALL those questions every time. Or even worse, the nurse asks the question, enters it into the system, and then the doctor comes in, looks at the info she entered and STILL asks you the questions. They're not trying to get to know you. They're just trying to make you feel like they're trying to get to know you. If they really wanted to get to know you, they'd would have noticed how irritated you were!

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  58. I hate seeing doctors, they don't like it when you tell them what you think is wrong and what you need. They don't like educated patients... and I'm just a smart-ass that's all there's to it :)

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  59. This.Is.Insane. His medical license should be revoked.

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  60. This is my second visit to your blog and the second time you've had me laughing hysterically. I hate those doctor questions! Your doctor absolutely crossed the line though. Please find a new one the next time you need a prescription!

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  61. That must have been seriously annoying but he sounds more like a perv than a jerk. Find a new doc STAT!
    haha sorry had to throw that medical joke in there ;)

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  62. I'm sorry. I can't comment right now. I'm too busy laughing.

    FANTASTIC post.

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  63. Haha that's an awesome post Gia. This is pretty much every doctor visit of mine. I love the facial expressions.

    No. Just no.

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  64. I just read this again and thanks for the second laugh. I need to go to the doctor today (flu) but I'm not gonna. (-:

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  65. crack me the fuck up. that's the thing about a UTI. you KNOW when you've got one, dammit, so just cut the chitchat, hand me the prescription,and I'll be on my way. your doctor reminds me of the student health center where I went to college--it was a woman's college, and so no matter what you went to the health center for, the first question was "when did you last have sex." You could go in with a broken leg and 'when did you last have sex?" A sore throat? Same question. Bleeding from the head? Yep, same thing. You need a different doctor or a black-market source of antibiotics. Try Canada.

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  66. Oh my goodness...first off love skedaddle...yep...love it. Second, this was amazing in so many ways, but I cannot believe he asked you all those questions. Definitely time for a new doctor and you are quite and artist. I do wish I could know what his pet name for you would be, clearly yours for him might be STFU!

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  67. He sounds like a stalker. It reminds me of the first time I went to the dentist in my new town. I just wanted to get my teeth cleaned but no! First the dentist had to get to know me for three hours. Are you freaking kidding me? "I don't treat the mouth, I treat the whole patient." Yeah, well you're about to treat my foot when I ram into your face.

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  68. One more reason why doctors pi$$ me off!!!

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  69. omg i'm dyinggg over here... laughing my freaking ass off! seriously though, what a dick!!! some doctors are straight up douche bags. sorry about your uti... those suck, i get em all the time.

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  70. Hahahaha!! As funny the second time round as the first!

    Thanks for linking up with BlogBash!

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  71. Honestly, can't they just make UTI meds be over the counter? It's no mystery what's going on down there, what with all the burning and frequent peeing. It's such a pain in the ass (well actually it's a pain in the... never mind) to have to drag yourself to a doctor to have them tell you something you already know.

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  72. Ugh, se questions! How much do you drink? Do you practice safe sex? Why don't they just ask me if I am a man whore???

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  73. I absolutely hate going to doctors. I almost always end up going through exactly what you described.

    Once during an exam, it came up that I had been seeing another doctor for anxiety issues. This new doctor asked why I had anxiety, and I told him that my boyfriend had had a heart attack a few years before and was still having heart issues, so I was worried.

    After quizzing me some more, he told me that I should just accept that my boyfriend was going to die, and that I could always find someone else to love.

    Seriously...he really said that. I was in shock and left in tears. I should have filed a complaint against him, but I just didn't want to go through that whole annoying process since I was going through too much already. Oy!

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  74. Holy CRAP there are a lot of awesome comments to scroll down past so I can leave one. A day late/dollar short as usual. Anyway, just shared this post and your blog with my sis. We laughed hysterically! I wish I could draw. I suck at it.

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  76. I refuse to answer these sorts of questions unless I have to. I'm not having it in writing whether or not I'm depressed or have smoke detectors when I'm just having a Pap. No, it doesn't matter where my husband works, I carry the insurance. I work at an office - that's all they need to know about my career. And they act suspicious of me like I might knife them but they get over it.

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