Me: Hi Cow
Cow: Oh HI, Gia.
Me: Are you okay?
Cow: NO! I’m VERY UPSET with you.
Me: Oh fuck me, not again.
Cow: Excuse me?
Me: Nothing. What’s wrong?
Cow: What do you THINK is wrong?
Me: Umm…mad cow disease?
Cow: Har har Gia. NO.
Me: Did you have a bad Valentine’s Day?
Cow: No. I actually had a wonderful Valentine’s Day. That’s the problem.
Me: Why is that a problem?
Cow: Why didn’t you ask about *my* plans?
Me: Excuse me?
Cow: You ask Polar Bear and Kitty and Lioness about their Valentine’s Day plans. But not me.
Me: -oh well, it’s just because there’s only so many-
Cow: OH I KNOW WHY, Gia. I know why.
Me: *gritting teeth * Go on.
Cow: It’s because you assumed I didn’t have any plans, didn’t you?! That I’m just a big dumb cow and nobody would want me!
Me: No not at all Cow!
Cow: YOU DON’T NEED TO BE A CUTE LITTLE KITTY OR A CUDDLY BEAR TO FIND LOVE, YOU KNOW!
Me: I know I know. I’m sure you are a very desirable cow.
Cow: PEOPLE IN INDIA WORSHIP ME!
Me; Okay okay!
Cow: I’m just saying Gia. You only ask the “cute” animals about their plans. It’s a little discriminatory, in my book.
Me: …I swear it’s not intentional, Cow.
Cow: I bet some of your readers want to see REAL animals, not just perfect ones.
Me: I’m sure they do, Cow. How can I fix this?
Cow: Tell me I’m desirable!
Me: You’re a very desirable Cow.
Cow: And that someone would be lucky to spend valentine’s day with me!
Me: Someone WOULD be lucky do to that, Cow.
Cow: And…I can have my own weekly blog feature?
Me: HELL NO.
Cow: Worth a shot.
Sigh, cows and their self esteem issues. I can’t take it! Anyway, have a good weekend everyone! I’ll be drunk tweeting from my couch for most of it.