Friday, February 17, 2012

Conversations with a Cow



Me: Hi Cow
Cow: Oh HI, Gia.
Me: Are you okay?
Cow: NO! I’m VERY UPSET with you.
Me: Oh fuck me, not again.
Cow: Excuse me?
Me: Nothing. What’s wrong?
Cow: What do you THINK is wrong?
Me: Umm…mad cow disease?
Cow: Har har Gia. NO.
Me: Did you have a bad Valentine’s Day?
Cow: No. I actually had a wonderful Valentine’s Day. That’s the problem.
Me: Why is that a problem?
Cow: Well…
Me: Yes….?
Cow: Why didn’t you ask about *my* plans?
Me: Excuse me?
Cow: You ask Polar Bear and Kitty and Lioness about their Valentine’s Day plans. But not me.
Me: -oh well, it’s just because there’s only so many-
Cow: OH I KNOW WHY, Gia. I know why.
Me: *gritting teeth * Go on.
Cow: It’s because you assumed I didn’t have any plans, didn’t you?! That I’m just a big dumb cow and nobody would want me!
Me: No not at all Cow!
Cow: YOU DON’T NEED TO BE A CUTE LITTLE KITTY OR A CUDDLY BEAR TO FIND LOVE, YOU KNOW!
Me: I know I know. I’m sure you are a very desirable cow.
Cow: PEOPLE IN INDIA WORSHIP ME!
Me; Okay okay!
Cow: I’m just saying Gia. You only ask the “cute” animals about their plans. It’s a little discriminatory, in my book.
Me: …I swear it’s not intentional, Cow.
Cow: I bet some of your readers want to see REAL animals, not just perfect ones.
Me: I’m sure they do, Cow. How can I fix this?
Cow: Tell me I’m desirable!
Me: You’re a very desirable Cow.
Cow: And that someone would be lucky to spend valentine’s day with me!
Me: Someone WOULD be lucky do to that, Cow.
Cow: And…I can have my own weekly blog feature?
Me: HELL NO.
Cow: Worth a shot.

Sigh, cows and their self esteem issues. I can’t take it! Anyway, have a good weekend everyone! I’ll be drunk tweeting from my couch for most of it.


24 comments:

  1. Can you tell Cow that I love it, and I care about all its plans. Also, tell cow I don't eat its friends. I don't even drink their milk. I miss their milk. If Cow ever wants to come over and just squirt a bit in a glass for me. Half a glass will be fine. I WANT ITS MILK!

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  2. Hahahaha... being a fan of cows I absolutely loved this post! "Tell me I'm desirable" lol... best quote ever! That's exactly what I want to say to people but I'm too ashamed to try it!

    Great cow... good cow.... we like you!

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  3. hahahaha. angry cow, isnt she.
    cows have beautiful eyes :)

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  4. Very interesting Gia. Tell me more.

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  5. I'm kind of impressed Cow had the nerve to call you out! Sounds like she and Popsicle may be quite the match. Allie better keep an eye on her man!

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  6. Aw, I love cows! Have fun drunk tweeting! I'll be drunk fishing.

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  7. Haha...cows definitely are underrated!

    GM x

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  8. I only like them for their spots.

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  9. LOL @ Dr. Freud.

    I'm happy to tell Cow that I happen to think cows are ADORABLE.

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  10. What is it with all the temperamental animals in your life? I think you need to pay better attention, Gia. Even to the undesirable ones. (Don't tell cow I said that!).

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  11. Before I say I "like" you, Cow, I want to know if your milk is skim?

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  12. That cow looks very, very angry. It's scaring me just a little.

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  13. Lol...mad cow disease! Cows are more desirable than any other animal I know of...they are so tasty!

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  14. I love cows! Jerseys are especially sweet but I'd take a Holstein in a pinch ;) And Hells yeah! MILK!

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  15. Dear Gia, I shall join you in your drunk tweeting. Love, me,

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  16. I have a soft spot for animal suffering from depression. Eeyore was my favorite Pooh character.

    I could see Cow using one of his lines.

    Don't mind me. No one else does.

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  17. Aw, poor girl looks so dejected. I'm scared of cows, though

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  18. How can you not let Cow have a blog?

    Love,
    Janie

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  19. My sister always thought cows were the shizznit when we were growing up. So you're cool, Cow :)

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  20. Can you tell Cow that I think he/she (not sure which) is absolutely desirable - not so much that I'd eat him/her though...I don't eat cow, but he/she is definitely a cute cow!

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  21. Hello! I am actually excited to find out one thing, of course if I'm not asking too much could you please tell us the place where you spent your childhood?

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