Monday, January 9, 2012

Sister's Birthday

So, I love my sister, but she kind of drives me crazy.

Like, she has terrible taste in wine. Freals, she’s a rule breaker:

AND not only does she drink shitty wine with ICE in it, she’s picky about brands.

No joke. Even though we had a bottle of white zin in the house, she made us stop at a liquor store to get Sutter Home because “she wasn’t sure if she’d like that brand.” Really? Don’t get me wrong, I have favorite brands, but white zin is white zin is pisswater, you know?

And I swear, she’s definitely smart, but sometimes…she’s an idiot, you know what I mean? Like this conversation happened once.

Sister: [while looking at her laptop] What’s the big deal about tae bow?
Me: Huh?
Sister: Tay bow?
Me: What?!?
Sister: The football player…
Me: It’s TEBOW, sis. *facepalm *

And then another time this happened:

Me: Maybe when I move I’ll have enough to buy a flatscreen instead of my old crappy tv. Besides, it’d be easier to move…
Sis: No wouldn’t it be harder?
Me: Harder? No. Flat screens are so much lighter and less bulky than the old tvs!
Sis: It’s not heavier?
Me: No.
Sis: But isn’t the shape harder to carry?
Me: NO! What is wrong with you?
Sis: Oh.  I don’t know.
Which looks easier to carry to you?
Anyhoo, that’s my sister. And her birthday is coming up. These are the things she wants for it:
1. Silver ball stud earrings. Not too big, not too small. She’s very picky. She might as be saying here “Buy me earrings in the wrong size but make sure to keep the receipt so I can return them and buy what I really want.”

2. A cd. Because she still doesn’t have an mp3 player. Yeah, she’s stuck in the stone age. Seriously, she has walkmen. The kind for cds AND tapes.  No, don’t make fun of me because I didn’t have a ipod until Boyfriend bought me one for my birthday. It’s different with me.

3. A no-clip curling iron. This is just stupid. End of discussion.

4. Another catOkay, she didn’t actually ask for this because she already has two, but I feel like she may start collecting them soon.
We could call this one "Socks."

I convinced my mom all those ideas were terrible, and we should get her a kindle fire instead. Wooohooo!!! It’ll be good for the following reasons:
1. She reads a lot
2. Her laptop is the slowest thing on the planet
3. Until now, she’s still been going to BLOCKBUSTER. (I know, right?!) Anyhoo, the one near her closed down, so she’s going to need a new way to watch movies. And she can’t use her laptop to do it, because see #2.

It’s coming in soon, but I’m kind of dreading giving it to her. Because she’s not-so-great bad really bad pretty awful fucking terrible at technology. Like, she bought a digital camera over a year ago and uses it but does not know how to put the pictures on the laptop or load them on to Facebook. THAT bad. So, I know she’s going to open it, look at it, not understand how great it is, and do this to me:



  1. Are you sure your sister isn't an 80 year old grandma in disguise? Getting her a Kindle might be dangerous, like giving a small child an abacus, frustration with not being able to use it leads to things getting thrown.
    Best of luck to you.

  2. Ew. Blockbuster? No netflix? WHYYYYY?

    And a no clip curling iron too. *sigh*

  3. Ah the joys of being the family tech support. Soon I shall be married and have this joy with two families!

    Honestly, I dread buying any technology for family members because I know that the present will also include countless hours of tech support for it.

    Your sister does sound quite unique to technology though.

  4. Hahahahah your posts always make me laugh. My sister also drinks crappy wine, a nice cheap rose which is horrifically sweet and yick. Also fully loving her walkman situation, that's rare these days. I hope she gets on well with the Kindle fire! xxxx

  5. Bahaha!! This post really made me laugh!

  6. Go with the Kindle Fire. I got one for my birthday from Mom and the thing rocks my freakin' socks! It's SUPER easy to use think even Sister could learn to use it. And the conversation about a flat screen...I don't even know what to say...

  7. Funny stories, I haven't seen anyone put ice cubes in wine. I don't even like ice cubes in my soda. I always try to chill it before I drink it.

  8. My Dad, who's 65 (so not that old in the grand scheme of things, but older than your sister), calls his cell-phone his 'electric phone'.

    You should be worried about your sister, it's a downhill slope from here....

  9. The joys of family! :) If she is going to drink wine with glass in it, she could at least make it a spritzer! :(

  10. I giggled about the white zin with ice cubes being incorrectly identified as a red! :) I have a family member that insists on chilling every wine. Merlot, Cabernet, Shiraz....every wine! I'm not trying to be snobby, but freezing Merlot just doesn't taste right to me.

  11. I just don't understand how the no-clip curling iron works. Seems like you'd have to hold onto your hair, which would burn your fingers.

    Good luck with the Fire. It really is great for movies :)

  12. I have to be had me until you drew the picture of her saying, "Make this work." because I am that person too. I'd much rather someone else figure it out or me first and then show me how to do it. Thank goodness I married a man that can't wait to get his hands on any new toy! Seriously though, I think she is going to love it and if she wants more cats...I'm sure there is an app for that ;-)

  13. LMAO!! Ice in Wine is a no no. It waters it down. Sigh...

    She didn't know who Tebow is?! Please tell her that you introduced her to that beautiful specimen of a man. Yum!!!

  14. Maybe it's just the Colorado in me speaking, but how do you know just enough about Tim Tebow to know he exists, but not know how to pronounce his name?

    Also, making a stop to get Sutter Home because the wine you have now could be WORSE is probably the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. It's like saying that Stella Artois you have might not be any good, I better so pick up some Keystone Light instead.

  15. White Zin is the wine equivalent of Bud Light. White Zin with ice cubes is my "i don't want to use a good wine and it's hot out" drink only acceptable June-August. I'm guilty of this. I'm guilty of making white wine spritzers. I'll go stand in the corner now.

  16. Besides the obvious age inequality, I think your sister is my mom. My mom drinks Sutter Home white zin with ice cubes in it. She has had an iPod shuffle for two years. I keep telling her I'll download iTunes for her and put some music on it, but it's still just sitting in the case. Oh, and she just got an iPhone. I have no idea why. I am still trying to show her how she can throw out the little pocket calendar in her purse she pencils everything in to, and just put her appointments on her phone. No dice.

  17. My sis-in-law has 6 cats. Yes, SIX. And four little dogs. Well on her way to being the eccentric aunt/cat lady of the family :) But she's probably a little more tech savvy than your sister.

  18. I think you should get her a bottle of wine that doesn't taste like it just came out of an old hose. ICK. Maybe this kindle fire will change her life and she'll give her walkman to charity. Jesus H - who still has a walkman? Please write more about her. PLEASE!

  19. My brother is completely technologically illiterate. He has no idea how the internet works. He was unemployed last year and to apply for must jobs today, you have to apply online. He got so frustrated he almost gave up. He kept saying this is stupid. We tried to tell him, it is stupid of him to not be able to function in the world he lives in. There is no excuse anymore. Keep up or get left behind. But we love him.

  20. So how does she feel about box wine?

  21. Your sister is my aunt. She is 57. She is completely clueless about most things and does that who's that/what's this? thing all that time. Plus . . . ice in white zin. Blech. If you want some nice fruit juice, why don't you just go get yourself some kool aid and be done with it? Let us adults enjoy the adult beverages. And Sutter Home is her bev of choice? She might not like any others because they are not the cheapest, most disgusting wines? Ok, then. Good luck with the Kindle. My mom (sister to the aunt) is also one of those "make it work . . . now it doesn't work again, come here and fix it" type people. Drives me bonkers! My family sure is special.

  22. I just talked to my sister about the technology issue. She bought my mom a kindle fire and I told her it's a waste of money because she'll never know how to use it and she won't learn.

    I don't want anything else on your sister's list good gift choice!

  23. LOL! She'll learn, maybe not the technology but with the wine - just wean her onto rose sometime when she's already had a few glasses... it won't be long before she's sipping a nice red ;) - even if it does have to have a brand name.

    I hope she likes her present. I've a similar dilemma with my own sister whos birthday is in a couple of weeks. She's a little more technologically advanced (unlike my dad who sounds like your sister... does everyone have a technology illiterate in the family?) but it's a headache and a half trying to find the right gift... especially as we get older and you find you've used up all your best ideas. Tis a tricky one!

  24. Get her the earrings. She'll work it out and you'll still be a champ.

  25. Happy birthday to your sis. Yeah. Get her the earrings in the correct size ;)

  26. Your sister and I could be best friends. I am technologically challenged, too, so I'm sure we'll get along fine!!!

  27. Sutter Home with ice? I want to show her there are so many better things to drink!

    I drink a lot of wine so clearly this means I'm an expert.

  28. I know seven hundred people have already said this but LMAO!! I LOVED the little works of art, great post. I'm now following you on the Tweet-Tweet :D

  29. I must admit, I have put icecubes in wine. But it is only when I am desperate and have to drink before the wine has had time to chill.

    I haven't seen a walkman in years! I have an old cassette one somewhere.....straight from the 80's!

    Love your blog Gia and have given you an award!!

  30. I think the Kindle is an awesome gift... perhaps you could draw a step by step 'how to use the kindle' for your sis as an accompanying gift. :)

  31. OMG... ICE CUBES?!?! IN HER WINE?!?!

    She should be shot

  32. hahaha! these drawings are so funny!

  33. Oh holy hell. And I thought I was technologically retarded. You should get her a box of wine and an ice cube tray that makes the cubes in cute little shapes. Like a middle finger. I have two sisters. I feel your pain.

  34. Haha I love your sister. The tv comment is mindboggling. There is NO actual way to carry an old tv other unless you are a giant and a gymnast.

    But the Sutter Home thing is even better. There are red zinfandels but not white, obviously, and so she wants to trash it up with some ice, that's okay, hell maybe she should make it a wine spritzer with Franzia, maybe that's what she really wants. But the best part is being picky about Sutter Home. Sutter Home is not something you are picky about. I'd drink it because its cost-effective. It's not exactly a selector's choice.

    It's the Mayonnaise of wine