If you’ve been following my twitter at all or have read any of my Thanksgiving posts, you’ll know I come from a large obnoxious pushy white zinfandel drinking Italian family. So it should come as no surprise to learn that we make a big deal out of Christmas.
I am in charge of making Christmas Cookies – chocolate chip and sugar cookies, which I decorate with the help of my artistic friend.
First, I fucked up the chocolate chip. I didn’t use enough flour because my mom likes them flat, but they completely fell apart when I put them in a cooling rack. As in, big gloopy chunks of cookie fell through the lines of the rack onto the counter, and the edges collapsed on themselves. A little cookie implosion, if you will. I wish I had taken a picture of the disaster, but I was too ashamed, so I threw out the first two dozen. I added more flour, which kind of saved the others, though they didn’t look so great:
Then it came down to the sugar cookies. I baked them excellently. BUT then my friend and I had to decorate them. We usually go all out and they look amazing. (Even though this blog is anonymous, I have to admit that she’s much better at decorating than I am.) But this year, for some reason, we were off. Our cookies used to look like this:
|Imagine its a round sugar cookie|
But this year it as more like this:
|Like a drunk monkey did it.|
Here’s a heart I made Boyfriend. He said it was “sweet” and “creepy” because it was big and drippy with blood and looks like a zombie heart. (I know, he’s obsessed.)
And here’s the cookie version of “us” (I usually make much better people, but not this year). Boyfriend said he doesn’t have a heart, but besides that, it’s pretty accurate.
|I'm the blonde girl in the red...blob.|
Here’s a train:
And here’s a dreidel because Boyfriend is kind of Jewishy (Jewish-ish? You know what I mean)
Anyway, here are a bunch of plates together that make them look way more impressive than they actually are.
|Don't look closely at them. Just glance. If you glance, they're pretty.|
All in all, it was not my best showing. So, I’m so so sorry guys for ruining Christmas.
Here's a kitty picture to make everything better!