Tuesday, December 6, 2011

How to Be the Best Boyfriend Ever (Part II)

Part I is here.  To sum up, Boyfriend is awesome and this is why

Well, he came over Saturday night again! Even though I bugged the crap out of Boyfriend, he actually showed up again. [10000 Bonus Points].

He brought alcohol [100 bonus points].
He listened to me complain about a not too interesting situation with my sister and some friends and plans and texting. [75 bonus points]

He also brought some redbox movies that we tried to watch, but were just terrible. So, I turned on the Christmas lights in my living room and he let me watch…dun dun dun….. LOVE ACTUALLY.

Honestly, I’m not usually a big fan of romantic comedies. They’re not romantic, and they’re not funny. See: anything with Katherine Heigel besides Knocked Up. But I freaking LOVE Love Actually (and Boyfriend didn’t hate it, fyi). He made very few snarky comments.  [573,439,234 Bonus Points]
Then Boyfriend attempted to sleep over again. And FYI Men Who Read this Blog: he totally poked me in the eye. More like, smacked a pillow in my eye, but same idea. I did not appreciate it. Vindication for him! [-1 Bonus Point]

He didn’t get pissy at me when I woke up him up by whispering “SHOULD I GET ONE CAT OR TWO?!?” after he had fallen asleep (you know, once I get my own apartment and am not completely poor). Instead, he woke up, answered, and went back to sleep. 

[99 Bonus Points. He lost one for the answer itself]

Naturally, he had to leave again on account of my bed being super uncomfortable and in no way big enough for both of us to actually get sleep, but still.
Total Bonus Points: I don’t know, I don’t have a calculator in front of me, but a lot, okay?

So, does everyone know how a good boyfriend should act now? Main points include putting up with craziness, bringing alcohol, and watching girly movies.

Hey Boyfriend, here’s your trophy! 


  1. As the impartial judge here, I must make a few rulings: He gets the point back for his answer plus 5,000 bonus points because he was just waking up and that was funny. And you get girlfriend points deducted for waking him up with a ridiculous question.
    That's the real quantification I want to see, is your points as girlfriend.
    And Love Actually is made good by Bill Nighy playing the aging rock star who promises to get naked. I love that bit. It still makes me laugh. But now you have to make it up to him by watching the greatest Christmas movie ever: Gremlins.

  2. I just want to know how many points is an eyeball worth?

  3. I like the boyfriend trophy. Lol.

  4. Way to go Boyfriend! Now you just need to figure out what you can trade those points in for. I'm hoping you can get an xbox!

  5. Guys, these points are completely useless to me, but I do like the trophy. It's next to my "Greatest Dad" trophy in my den. Next I'll get an honorary doctorate at Whatsamatta U. Oh, and thanks for not supporting me getting a hall pass for New Orleans everybody. More than 2 states away and no penetration is totally legit and you know it. Take my eye patch off and away we go! Maybe I'll leave it on.... Pirate sexy. Maybe not. Damn. Gia no!!! Erase, erase.

  6. If I were single, I would have totally borrowed or tried or stolen your trophy,boyfriend. :)

  7. And... not being a dick.
    Not playing head games.
    Being trustworthy and knowing he'll never cheat on you.
    Loving you for all you are.

    And big diamonds. Really really big diamonds.

  8. Thanks for this! :D

  9. Love Actually is one of those movies I can watch over and over again.

  10. My girlfriend actually doesn't like alcohol. I'd get negative points for bringing that. :P

  11. Love Actually is okay, actually! Rowan Atkinson preparing the overly elaborate gift is my favourite. 'I'll be ready in the flashiest of flashes!'

    And well done boyfriend for making us other boyfriends look bad. The League of Average Boyfriends will be looking to revoke your membership.

  12. Most women don’t know this... but even if a man is attracted to you or even says he loves you...

    ...chances are he still feels something is missing.

    Because there is a secret, emotional need hidden within his heart that he craves more than anything.

    And in most cases, is not being met.

    The problem is, if it’s not being met, his attention will inevitably wander until he finds a woman who can give it to him.

    Maybe one in a thousand women knows how to do this instinctively, and they usually rise to unbelievable levels of influence and fame.

    But most women, or men for that matter, don’t even know it exists.

    On the other hand, when you have this 1 simple secret...

    You won’t believe the shocking effect you have on the men in your life.

    Here’s a video I discovered that shows you exactly what I’m talking about:

    ==> Here’s what I’m talking about: <=========> He’ll give his heart to the first woman who does THIS...