Monday, December 5, 2011

How to Be the Best Boyfriend Ever (Part I)


So, Boyfriend should win an award for putting up with me this weekend. And I was thinking, wow, he could really write a guide to teach other boyfriends how to be awesome. And then I thought, heck, why don’t I write one for him! So, let’s walk through the weekend and point out all his good behavior, shall we?

FRIDAY. 
So, I was PMSsy.  Which doesn’t actually make me super bitchy, which is a plus. Just….super neurotic and insecure. I was maybe a tiny bit needy.

Boyfriend handled it wonderfully. He didn’t even try to choke me or anything. [10 Bonus Points]

We chatted a bit, and he promised NOT to cheat on me when he goes to New Orleans later this month on a business trip. Even though I hear hookers are readily available. And it’s in another state so apparently “that doesn’t really count.” And “there wouldn’t be any penetration.” Despite all that, he STILL promised not to cheat [500 Bonus Points]


He even tried to sleep in my bed for a bit [50 Bonus Points]. This is super impressive, because I have a super shitty/uncomfortable full bed. When I’m by myself, its fine:
spaaaaace
 
But when tall Boyfriend and I try to sleep in it together, it’s more like this:

no spaaaaaace. and boyfriend doesn't fit.

And I move every five seconds, so it quickly becomes like this:

But Boyfriend dutifully stayed until approximately 2am [45 Bonus Points].

Total for the day: 605 Points
Stay tuned tomorrow for Part II! (The points really start adding up then)  

[Update: Part II available here

16 comments:

  1. Is he accumulating points like tickets in an arcade? Does he get to redeem those tickets for spider-rings and slinkies and alarm clocks tucked inside stuffed animals? And no offense to New Orleans, but it seems like everything there has herpes. Like, if you trip on a bike-rack, you need some sort of cream for the rest of your life. So he better be careful.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
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  2. Wait, we're able to redeem our boyfriend points? Oh man, I hope I can win a Sega Drive!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Ah, you're a sleep slapper. This changes everything.

    But really, your boyfriend sounds like a saint. PMS is no joke. :-/

    ReplyDelete
  4. I find they accumulate a lot of points by simply keeping their mouths shut during those PMS days.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I didn't redeem my boyfriend points when I had them, and now that I'm married, they're all gone. And husband points? Forget about it. I've heard they exist, but it's just purely a rumor right now.

    ReplyDelete
  6. @ABFTS, Boyfriend points don't disappear when you get married, you actually just lose them all the first time your new wife has to wipe your pee off of some part of the toilet.

    ReplyDelete
  7. My bf should get an award for this weekend too - we bought and set up the christmas tree. And by "we" I mean he. I ate a bowl of cereal and watched the Giants game.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I am yet to do anything to warrant boyfriend points because I don't want to set unfair expectations.

    Give it 20 years and she'll eventually be allowed out the house.

    I'm kidding, I'm a marvellous boyfriend.

    ReplyDelete
  9. When my husband came back from Singapore he told me that there is a ten-floor hotel / building that amongst other things, is home to a whore house. It is affectionately known as "Ten Floors of Whores."

    He tells me this after seven years of my hounding him about not cheating on me when he travels for business. Hil-ar-ious.

    *Glares*

    ReplyDelete
  10. This is adorable! Love the visuals.

    ReplyDelete
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