Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Wine Lessons That I Should Not Have to Teach My Mom and Older Sister Yet Here We Are


So, I’ve gradually been introducing my mom and sister to the concept of drinking wine on special occasions/holidays. A few days ago my mom said she picked up a bottle of the Sutter Home Pinot Grigio that I like love (seriously. Liquid gold.) for Thanksgiving. I pointed out that one bottle of wine may not be enough for 8 adults, she added that she got a bottle of red too. I know you’re thinking that two bottles are not nearly enough for that many people, but most don’t drink, so it’s actually plenty for one day.

So, as soon as I came home on Thanksgiving I checked out the wine, and saw that my mom purchased the pinot grigio and a bottle of Sutter Home white zinfandel.

Lesson One:


Um, okay. I ran out to the liquor store (luckily there’s one within a three minute drive) and got a Pinot Noir. Because I wanted red wine, and although I don’t like hating on any wine, I really can’t stand white zin.

When I came back, my mom looked at it and said “Should I put it in the fridge?”

Lesson Two:

Kitty likes to lounge on top of the fridge.
 
[I know you wine connoisseurs may say that some red can be slightly chilled, but cut me a break. We’re buying 5.95 bottles of wine here – we are not talking about fancy wine. And my mom isn't asking that because she read it in the latest Wine Digest, she's asking because "I like my drinks cold."]

My sister came in a few minutes later, saw the bottle, and asked what it was, and said “I thought that wine was lighter.”
Me: What? No, it’s red.
Her: I thought the pinot was white.
Me: You mean pinot grigio, like in the fridge? This is pinot NOIR.
Her: There’s a difference?
Me: *facepalm *

Lesson Three:
I know they both start with "Pinot" but COME ON.

The fun does not end there. When it came time to pour the wine, my mother, sister, and cousin all asked for either the grigio or white zin. Ok. Then, they all proceeded to ASK FOR ICE IN THEIR GLASSES. EVEN THOUGH THE WINE WAS PERFECTLY CHILLED.

Lesson Four:

I made them get their own ice. I refuse to be part of the travesty. 

Honestly you guys, this whole thing is stressing me out. Remember how I used to have wine dreams? Now they’re wInE NiGhTmArEs (ahhhhhh!!!!!).
Subtle Difference

Seriously. I can't wait to go pour myself a glass of appropriate chilled but ice free pinot grigio. If you need me tonight, I’ll be drunk tweeting.

37 comments:

  1. The Horrors! The Horrors of Ice in Wine!
    HHHIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

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  2. I guess it's good that you're family isn't a mess of winos but "white" is in the name! WHITE Zinfandel. It's not RED Zinfandel.
    The worst part for you is that your family is mostly sober. I couldn't imagine.

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  3. Not much of a wine person, but your post and illustrations had me laughing so much!

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  4. lol Love this.

    I've been drinking since I was 19, and it's only been in the last 10 years that I've started to appreciate wine, and other spirits. They're not for getting drunk quickly. That's what beer is for... and not cheap beer.

    One of my older sisters who claims to be an expert in all things, still puts ice in her wine, and sometimes pop too!!!! *gasp* This coming from a woman who won't spend less than $80 on a bottle of scotch, then proceed to water it down.

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  5. Pop...IN...wine?

    *jaw drops*

    well. my flabber is ghasted.

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    1. Gack, the evil wine "spritzer"! It showed up uninvited at our house a few days ago, too. Ooof.

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  6. Aw, your family is cute...in a horrifying, run screaming from the room kinda way ;) (Wait. Do they read this? Then I'm totally kidding! I'm sure they are delightful :D )

    I'm so glad you are teaching the world about wine drinking. For real.

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  7. Not a big drinker, but this is pretty epic. :-)

    The last time I tried wine was on thanksgiving. I drank two glasses before eating and promptly fell asleep. I suck at wine.

    #nomorewineever

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  8. How did this post not end: "then I smashed the White Zin bottle against the edge of the counter and stabbed them in they eye, old west bar fight style"?

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  9. excellent! I really laughed hard at that. I love red wine and I am getting more fussy as I get older. I need another holiday in France.

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  10. I’m guilty of not knowing that red doesn’t get chilled. Possibly because I’m a white drinker.

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  11. Couldn't agree more... nothing bothers me more than a cold red. Bleh.

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  12. I drank a lot of cola-rot (red wine and cokecola) when I was stationed in Germany.

    Just drink Bourbon...it's easy.

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  13. I hope I'm not coming off as a wine snob! I'll admit (and Boyfriend would back me up), I'm not classy. I can't remember the last time I spent more than $6 on a bottle.

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  14. I don't think that demanding a recognition of the difference between red and white wine qualifies as snobbery.

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  15. LOL! I totally feel for you. This reminds me of being with my in laws. My MIL will bring me a glass of white zin with ice in it. I can hardly contain myself, and have managed to come up with excused not to drink it.

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  16. what's your opinion on wine in a box?

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  17. j.littlejohn, I'm certainly not above it.

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  18. I so need to go buy a bottle of wine after reading that...

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  19. We must have the same family....my mother does the same thing! Each time she comes up to visit me is like a wine tutorial! love the pictures!

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  20. I'm not a wine drinker so I appreciate the lessons in what not to do for guests who are. With the help of the pictures, I might even be able to learn the rules. :)

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  21. Ao much whining about whine. Love the cartoons though. Interesting

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  22. Anybody who drinks wine is instantly middle class in my eyes.

    The only time I drink wine is if it has been spilt into the ash tray I am sipping the beer out of.

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  23. Laughing. A lot. The way it was explained to me, many years ago, is that Zinfandel is wine for people that don't like wine.

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  24. White Zin is my FIL's choice. I try not to fault him for it since he IS dying and all. But I also do not imbibe when it's offered. Usually. Most of the time. Depends on the week I've had. Sigh.

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  25. My family are also wine novices. I hate it when they pour wine and they top up the full glass, especially is it is red.

    It's like drinking a bucket of red wine.

    Just pour half a glass so that it can breathe GODAMMIT.

    The end.

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  26. First time reader...love your blog :) You would not want to drink with me. I put ice in my wine AND my beer!

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  27. LOL! I love me a red wine but it gives me awful heartburn. A Great Aunt told me to add a teeny-tiny dash of Sprite to my glass of red wine and viola! It's still a delicious deep red wine without the heartburn! (If there is no Sprite around I go for the Grigio, Baby!! YUM!)

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  28. Okay, question. After a bottle of red has been opened, do you put it back in the fridge (assuming there is some left. i know it's a ridiculous assumption but just go with it)? The husband always puts it in the fridge and I am constantly yelling, "red does not go in the fridge! red does not go in the fridge." I tried cold red once, because it was all the wine we had, and I was a barfy mcbarferson.

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    Replies
    1. the correct answer is after a bottle of red has been opened you drink all of the bottle of red.

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  29. At least they didn't get "ice wine" because you like your drinks cold, lol!

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  30. After having lived in France for two years, I greatly sympathize with this post.

    -Barb the French Bean

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  31. I'm sorry I just read this, and Gia, WE have to get together!!! Seriously, get you ass up to Canada and we'll wine it out! Think I'll start now...

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  32. My mom also puts ice cubes in her wine. Has since I was a little kid and she'd shake the glass and tell me to refill it, and don't forget the ice!

    And, even cheap red wine actually tastes much better when chilled to 50-55 degrees. Try it, you'll convert.

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  33. I too live in this nightmare, except my MIL ruins really expensive wine. I die a little each time. Ellen

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  34. If one absolutely MUST put ice in wine, the only acceptable way is to put a couple of cubes, stir for a moment, then remove the cubes.

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  35. Zins didn't come into any kind of popularity until sometime in the late 80s, while I was in Germany, drinking wonderful Rieslings. I didn't even know how to pronounce it in English. My experience in Germany made me want to pronounce it "tzin-FAHN'-dl." I don't drink a zin unless I really have to, like if they have only that and reds (which I can't tolerate). Give me a Reisling, Auslese, or Spatlese any day and keep your nasty zins to yourself!

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