Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Gia’s Childhood Flashback: Hair Freak

So, while I was home last weekend, I found a copy of an old poem I wrote (in third or fourth grade). It was about my sister. It was called “hair freak.” Here I present it to you in its unedited entirety:

Hair Freak

My sister is a hair freak
She brushes night and day
My sister is a hair freak
She is in every way

She brushes in the cold or hot
She brushes in a parking lot
She brushes if there’s a knock on the door
She brushes if she’s been on the floor

Every time we go to a store
She brushes like she’s never done before

I know its true
No matter what I say or do
My sister is a hair freak.

You’re probably thinking “What the fuck?!?” and I don’t blame you.  You are probably also thinking “Don’t quit your day job to become a poet, this is shit” and to that I say, “Give me a break I was MAYBE ten years old.” You’d probably say something like, “Still. You have no talent” and I’d maybe cry a little because seriously why do you have to be so mean?

Anyway, my sister is 4 years older than me, and when she was in middle school, she was OBSESSED with brushing her hair. This poem was pretty much a spot on description: before, during, and after shopping. If her friend was coming over. If she was doing any kind of activity at all. When she woke up. When she went to bed. All the fucking time.

It was SO annoying to me for primarily 2 reasons:
1. As a ten year old, who wants to constantly wait for their sister to finish primping before doing anything? Oh, we can’t get out the car yet, Sister is brushing her hair. Can’t open the door to greet guest yet, Sis needs to finish brushing her hair. Can’t have any ice cream, Gia, sister is brushing her hair. (Ok, maybe I made that one up.) Still.

2. She sheds like a dog! Hair went EVERYWHERE all the time. Her bathroom looks like Cousin Itt just bathed in her sink. My childhood was spent like this:

This is why I never brush my hair.


  1. I hear this is a common compliant with anyone who lives with long haired girls. :P

  2. Actually... that's a pretty good poem for the age range.

  3. You're Dr. Freaking Seuss. That was hilarious. And it is annoying. You'd be justified to write that as an adult. I just like that frustration used to come out in poetry form.

  4. I confess... I was once your Sister. Reading this poem I bow my head in shame.

  5. Good thing you had poetry to turn to as an outlet as a kid. Could've gone another direction with that one and who knows where you'd be.

  6. Nothing is worse than going to brush your teeth in the morning and about half way through having to pluck a hair out of your mouth.....

    Damn you long haired sisters! Damn you all!

  7. I demand you re-write the poem and include more swears.

  8. I think the poem is rather cute... the best way to vent out frustrations without seeming whiny, I'd say.