Over the weekend, I was thinking about how accurate and realistic last week's relationship scale was. It also reminded me that hey, I used to be good at math! I decided to derive some basic equations from the scale:
1. Volcano + Hitler = Super Badness
Combine bad with worse and you get lots of unhappiness. Pretty self-explanatory. [A Hitler Volcano would spew hatred-lava everywhere. Lots of air travel delays.]
2. Hitler + Socks, the Sexually Responsible Kitty = Badness but Not as Bad
|Socks is the poster child for kitty STD prevention.|
Hitler is super bad, but kitties without stds are on the good side the scale, so the result is only two unhappy faces. Clearly.
3. Volcano + Rainbows = Neutral
Now, here the volcano is cancelled out by the rainbow, and the result is neutral. I know you’re probably thinking “a stupid rainbow isn’t as good as something like Pompeii was bad.” But, lots of volcanoes don’t cause mass death and destruction. And sometimes a rainbow can be REALLY good. Like a double rainbow. Or one with a pot of gold at the end of it.
4. Chocolate + Peanut Butter = Hearts
Honestly, the man who decided these two items would taste good together deserves a national holiday. We could get rid of Columbus Day. (Or as I like to call it, The-beginning-of-the-decimation-of-an-indigenous-people-here’s-your-blanket-and-smallbox Day)
5. Gia + Boyfriend = More Hearts
6. Cow + Ketchup Does Not Equal Hamburger
|Drawn to scale. It's one of the those wholesale ketchup bottles. You know, like from Sam's Club..|
Confession time! So…I’m a vegetarian. Boyfriend has been telling me I need to "out" myself ever since my post involving bacon. I maintain that I understand the glory of bacon even though I will not partake. And I would absolutely roll around in it to get a dog to love me. (Boyfriend disagrees. He thinks I’m a weenie when it comes to meat. Just because I don’t want meat juice all up in my business.) Anyway, don't hate me, but I don't like putting dead animals in my mouth.
Clearly, I should have been a math teacher.