So, Boyfriend likes to freak me out at work sometimes. A few weeks ago, this happened via gchat:
Boyfriend: I think I'm having a heart attack. Not really kidding
That’s not funny
Boyfriend: I'm not kidding really
So I immediately call him up and he says he feels faintish and is sweaty and thinks he’s dying. The conversation goes something like this:
Me: Ok, call 911.
Boyfriend: No, maybe I’m just hungry. I didn’t have any carbs today.
Me: So it’s a heart attack or you’re hungry?!? Who else is around at your office??
Boyfriend: No one really by my office. That’s why I wrote that to you. To let someone know.
Me: Is K around? Go tell him you’re not feeling well too. [Seriously, it was going to end badly if I was the only one who knew. How could I know if he’s okay?? Call 911 if he doesn’t respond to my gchat quick enough??]
Boyfriend: maybe I just need to eat something…
Me: Go tell K.
Boyfriend: Ok, I’ll tell K and get food. Call you back in a few
Me: * too busy googling heart attack symptoms to answer *
I call him back in approximately 4 minutes, and Boyfriend says he’s feeling better and that I really didn’t need to keep calling him every 4 minutes because he had things to do.
We have this gchat convo:
Boyfriend: maybe just a blood sugar drop
feeling okay now
Me: So not funny
Boyfriend: =======D~~ last one....xxxxxx
So, you lost the privilege to joke about heart attacks from now on
Boyfriend: I wasn't joking
Me: I know
So you cant joke about it in the future
I will immediately call you and go into panic mode
"You can’t die right now. We have tentative plans to go to seaside town!"
Boyfriend: I'll do my best to stay alive through the weekend
Me: Thanks sweetie
So, Boyfriend and I were talking on the phone during work a few weeks later, and he got all hyper and goofy. He’s energetic and goofy sometimes, but this was to an extreme. And he said his heart was racing and he thought it was what he had at lunch. This gchat convo happened after we hung up:
Me: You crazy boo
Boyfriend: There was crack in that egg sandwich wrap
You're gonna crash bad later
Boyfriend: I am strangely hyped up right now
some weird shit in that sandwich I bought
I might take a valium
Me: You buy it from someone on the corner?
Boyfriend: local deli
I let you know if I start tripping.
Boyfriend: LSD in the egg salad maaaaan! [side note: Boyfriend seriously thinks I should take LSD to cope with my fear of death. I think copious amounts of drugs won't change the fact that one day I'm going to die.]
I have an old drawing I did on the computer that’s a mushroom with an angry face
Say no to mushrooms!
Boyfriend: No!!! Mushrooms have very happy faces. And they give you a peace signMaybe I'll be on tv
a local man was hospitalized after eating an egg salad wrap at the quick stop in City
"It was the best egg salad sandwich ever!!!"
Boyfriend: it was later found that the sandwich contained 300mg of ecstacy
The man was found fucking, well, everything
Boyfriend: He kept muttering "23...23....23" (my age at the time)
…before he jumped from local bridge
Me: That’s not funny.
|The sun is giving the peace sign, fyi.|
Boyfriend didn’t jump from the bridge, but he was weirder than usual the rest of the day. I’m not entirely convinced there was actually anything wrong with the egg wrap, but Boyfriend swears there was something in it.
So, I went home and modified my mushroom picture to this:
The angry egg maintains its innocence.