Thursday, October 27, 2011


So, I have an older sister. Whom I love (technically) but she kinda sorta drives me absolutely crazy.  She loooves shopping and talking about shopping, two things of which I can’t stand. Her weekends go something like this.
Step 1: Buy new clothes
Step 2: Talk about new clothes
Step 3: Try on new clothes
Step 4: Talk about new clothes whilst wearing them
Step 5 (occurring about 50% of the time): Return clothes and start at Step 1 again. 

It gets even worse when she has a specific event to dress for like, like a wedding (purchased three dresses, returned two and repurchased one).

We both have a Halloween costume party this weekend. As you can imagine, this has caused her to go on quiiite the spree. She’s kind of stylish, but she just sucks at costumes. There’s no other way to say it.

First: the fairy. She bought a fairy costume weeks ago at a random generic Halloween store.  If only it was that simple. She didn’t try on the full costume til she got home and “the wings were uncomfortable.” Strike 1.  

Curse these itchy wings!

Next: the Cowgirl. This involved purchasing nonreturnable “cowgirl supplies” like a toy gun, and trying to wear cowgirlish things from her current wardrobe. (This non-costume tactic is a common failure of hers. Two years ago she was a “mod girl” and wore a black-and-white professional work dress. #failingatcostumes.)

I guess she realized how stupid she looked, so that was scrapped. Strike 2.

THEN: the harassment. She began texting me.
Sister: What are you going to be??
Me: I don’t know. Either a goddess [last year’s costume] or a black cat. I was gonna decide at the last minute [Depending on how lazy I was feeling. Take note: I LOVE being a black cat. I have cat ears, so I just wear a black dress and draw whiskers on my face with eyeliner. The ultimate lazy girl’s costume. Classic]
Sister: Well, decide. I’m going to be whatever one you aren’t.
Me: Seriously? Out of all the costumes in the world, you need to be one of those two??
Sister: WHICH ONE?!? [She’s very yelly. Even over text.]
Me: uh uh uh cat I guess [Gun to my head, I’ll always choose cat.]
Sister: Can you bring home the goddess costume for me to try on this weekend??
Me: Fine.

So, I did. Because I’m nice. And not at all resentful that the one good costume I wore to the same party last year was about to get reused by my own sister, and I’d have to suffer through a night of “Didn’t you wear that last year??” and silent comparisons as to who looked better in it.

Luckily, she didn’t like it. I didn’t ask why. Strike 3.

She tried to get some other kind of cat-like outfit after that, but it didn’t pan out. Maybe because she made me commit to being a cat, and I was sending her “I will fuck you up if you try to wear the same outfit as I do” brainwaves. I don’t know, maybe some other reason. We’ll never know, now will we?

I don't even like drawing this one.

After about 8 million strikes later, this texting conversation ensues:

Sister: I think I’m going to get mouse ears and a tail and then u can chase 
me around all night :) (<---Seriously, the text included a smiley face. Like that made it less disturbing.)
Me: Did you mean to send that to a boy you’re flirting with?
Sister: What? No.
Me: Are you drunk?
Sister: NO.
Me: Sometimes I hate you.
Mouse costume is far too similar to cat costume for my liking. And she's trying to outdo me with the tail. I may have to destroy her.

I’m not really the type who would chase my sister around. I’m more the type that tries to avoid her like the plague when she’s drunk because she tries to hug me and have heart to hearts and ask my friends questions about me and its horrible and she needs to learn BOUNDARIES, DAMNIT!

I guess she realized that, because the next time she talked to me, she told me she should have gotten a dog costume because then she could chase ME around all night (much more plausible/terrifying). I just texted her asking what she’d be and her current response is “Minnie mouse or just a mouse.” Sounds about right.

The party’s on Saturday, and I’m willing to bet that she goes through at least five more outfit changes between and then. And I have this sneaking suspicion that she’ll show up in a cat costume, too.

Damn her.


  1. Then, like an unwanted cat, you'll just have to put her in a burlap sack and hurl her into a river.
    Aren't siblings great?

  2. I was planning on fashioning a large mousetrap to get her with. Unfortunately (or not so), we've been snowed out by a bizarre October blizzard